Adrian had always been quiet. It was what he preferred. Never being one to rock the boat, his friends had often affectionately said that his demeanour was about as intimidating as a puppy.
A tall, thin young man who often kept his snowy blonde hair as a lose mop, he’d never been what he’d describe as a people person, thinking himself more of a listener and quiet achiever.
He’d always loved to read, weather it was fiction, biographies, or history. The local second-hand bookstore’s owner, a former primary school librarian named Gillian, had long grown fond of his visits, always being quick to ask what he was after, or just how life in general was going. Occasionally, she’d even tease him.
“You always come here by yourself. You’ve never thought to introduce a nice young lady to your favourite little treasure-trove?” she’d said.
Adrian knew that she’d realised it just like everyone else. It was never hard to make him turn red with embarrassment.
One day though, he was met with a surprise. Gillian was not at the front counter, with a much younger woman being there instead, flicking over an old, well-worn comic book, it seemed. Her black hair was short and straight, and she was wearing a tee shirt featuring some kind of Celtic style wolf’s head design.
“Hello,” was all he politely said to her, not knowing what else to say despite the interest she seemed to stir.
“Hi,” she smiled. “Have I seen you here before?” she asked. “I’ve only just started working here, but my grandmother owns the place, so it isn’t new to me. You wouldn’t happen to be… Adrian, would you?”
“Uh… yes,” he answered, feeling a little startled. “Your grandmother’s mentioned me? I guess I come here often enough for us to chat semi-regularly.”
The girl’s smile turned to a smirk. “You could say that. You look as if you suspect she’s said something embarrassing about you.”
Adrian stepped in closer, tentatively leaning against the counter. “I… wouldn’t be surprised,” he said with an eyebrow raised uneasily.
“You don’t need to worry that much. She paints a very positive picture,” said the girl. “I’m Angela by the way.”
“Nice to meet you, Angela,” Adrian said, smiling more confidently. He was fast getting a good feeling from her straight-forward friendliness. She was certainly pretty, but his fixation with propriety had him not wanting to get any ideas. Don’t act creepy he’d always tell himself in situations like these. Still, a part of him was wondering if there’d been further intentions behind Gillian’s teasing remarks. Could this have been a set-up of sorts? Surely not.
As they kept on talking, Adrian eventually forgot what he’d come in here to look for. It hadn’t taken them long to discover how much reading meant to them both. Nothing seemed too trashy or too sophisticated. Tolkien, Orwell, Christie; there seemed to be no shortage of opinion generators between them.
“Hey, so are you busy on Sunday?” Angela eventually asked. “I was wondering if you might like to grab coffee.”
“Oh thanks. Yeah,” Adrian was quick to answer, pleasantly surprised. Don’t overthink it. she’s probably just being friendly, he tried to tell himself, despite the effect she’d seemed to have on him from only a single conversation.
“Great,” she smiled, handing him a slip of paper. “Text me when and where in advance. Your choice for both.”
* * *
The remainder of Angela’s week had her feeling a welcome jump in her energy level. After meeting Adrian, her grandmother’s cringy anecdotes about the quiet, bookish, and handsome young man who’d frequented her store seemed far less embarrassing in hindsight. “he’s lovely. He’d be just your sort,” she’d remembered her saying, only to squirm and awkwardly fake laugh in response.
It hadn’t taken them long to start talking veraciously about their shared interests again after they’d sat down together with coffees once they’d met up again.
Gran was right, Angela thought, as she sat smiling at the young man as he spoke, resting her chin on her thumb and forefinger. What are my intentions here though? Do I want to take this somewhere? Does he think that’s what I’m doing? Everything’s stayed surface level here. Does he like me? Maybe he’s just shy about it, or… maybe he’s not into girls.
“So… do you mind if I ask an awkward question?” she eventually said. “Did my gran ever say you should meet me? She said she’d never seen you with a girl and sometimes teased you about it, but you always just went red and slinked off pretty quickly whenever she did.”
Adrian went silent, his eyes glancing away. “Ah… I may have kind of been thinking the same thing this whole time. I was wondering if she maybe put the idea in your head, but I didn’t want to assume anything or make any assumptions about what was going on here. I mean, I’m not saying I’d have a problem with it, but maybe that’s not what you were hoping for.”
Angela’s eyelids tightened ever so slightly as her lips began to curve into an amused smile. Adrian’s awkward tiptoeing around the issue seemed oddly adorable, yet it had also given her what she wanted to know. “It’s okay. You don’t need to be so wound-up about it,” she replied. “I like you as well. I think we both sense where this is going, which is what we both want, but you seem scared to act.”
Adrian’s shoulders relaxed as he looked back at her, almost puppy dog-like with his big blue eyes. “Maybe. I just didn’t want to do anything inappropriate or overstep any lines here. I was trying not to let my hopes get the better of me.”
Angela reached out, putting her hand on his. “I think I’m beginning to understand,” she said, again smirking. “This whole nervous apprehension thing of yours is just a front. You know how much you’re into me, but you’re scared anything you do will seem pushy.” She couldn’t help but wonder where this neurosis of his had come from. What conditioned you to feel this way? She pondered. Or rather, who?
“You’re right,” Adrian answered, shrugging. “I guess I feel more comfortable letting the other person decide where things are going.”
Angela’s hand drifted back toward her chin which she couldn’t help but continue to stroke, fascinated by the boy across from her. He seemed like an unconventional sort, but given her own struggles with the misfit treatment she’d received while growing up, she was beginning to wonder if it was causing a certain pull to grow between them. “I’m sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable, but I appreciate your openness there. Trust me, I don’t at all plan on abusing the vulnerability you’ve shown.”
Adrian smiled, as if he’d suddenly shrugged off his worries, much to Angela’s surprise. “Well thanks. I appreciate that. You know, I feel it’s rare to find someone who’ll actively show that kind of empathy these days.” He paused briefly, scratching his brow. “I hope I’m not being sexist, but I feel like as men and women we often tend to have a hard time understanding where the other side is coming from, which I’m guessing is where a lot of frustration comes from.”
Angela raised an eyebrow at his curious statement. It seemed somewhat bold of him to throw it out there, but hardly anything new. “It’s interesting you say that,” she replied, feeling a handful of discomforting memories start to bubble. “A few years ago I used to volunteer at a dog shelter. Sometimes we’d get ones that came in who were dangerously aggressive. Occasionally, they’d even be too far gone for us to help. It was always sad, but as scary as some of them were, I only felt sorry for them. It was never the dogs’ fault that they’d ended up that way. You’ve seen Shrek, right? Think of how bitter and unfriendly he was because the world always treated him like a monster. I feel like we as a society do that to people way too often, men especially.”
Adrian’s eyes went wide with what could only be shock. As unsurprised as Angela was that he likely never would’ve expected to hear this from her, it still saddened her for some reason she couldn’t quite fathom. “I wish there were more people in the world like you,” he finally said. “Most of us are too quick to jump to how our problems are someone else’s fault, how justified or discontent is, and how trivial anyone else’s counterpoints are. It’s rare to find someone who offers understanding instead of demanding it.”
Angela looked down, her expression turning glum ever so briefly. “You’re assuming most people want understanding,” she replied. “Some of them just want the sense of superiority they get from verbally stomping on the necks of others. Some people care less about finding what’s right, and more about feeling right.”
* * *
“You’re a wise woman. I admire that,” Adrian said as they strolled by a creek. This was only their second date, having got lunch together earlier, but by now he’d completely forgotten what it had felt like to be nervous at the beginning. He’d been terrified that a bad first impression would botch his only chance with such an amazing girl, yet that now seemed trivial. As unfamiliar as this new feeling was, he liked it. “Sorry to keep saying it, but I feel people like you are hard to find these days,” he went on. “Can I ask what shaped you to be this way?”
“It’s probably a lot more than I could tell you in a single conversation,” Angela answered. “But let’s just say that I’ve had my own demons that caused me strife. My whole life, it always seemed like there were people trying to tell me I was wrong about everything. It just made me want to shove their own words back down their throats, you know? Prove I was right to do things my own way.”
Adrian’s intrigue seemed to spike yet again. “That’s interesting, but I feel there’s more to it than that. You make yourself sound like some stubborn thickhead, but I know from talking to you that you’re someone who gives a lot of thought to things. Just enough though, you don’t seem like you’re an overthinker like me. You strike me as very grounded.”
Angela smiled as if flattered but not wanting to directly admit that she agreed. She was too humble for that, Adrian felt. “That’s not always true,” she replied. “I’m not above letting my frustration get the better of me.”
“Come on, none of us are,” he said reassuringly. “I know it happens to me too. I can get very bitter and callous sometimes. No one expects you to have infinite patience.”
“We’re both self-aware enough to recognize that though,” Angela stated. “Do you feel like you don’t have as much patience as you’d like?”
Adrian couldn’t help but scratch his head at her question, feeling unsure how to answer. “I don’t know. I guess I’ve always looked at patience as a person’s capacity to handle the strain of uncertainty, not knowing how long or how much they’ll have to endure. In my case it doesn’t take much to get me riled up.”
Angela was silent momentarily. “That makes sense, going off what you’ve told me,” she answered with a knowing look. “You fixate on doing the right thing and never want to make a mistake. That makes me think you’ve been hurt before, or maybe you’re just more sensitive than most guys. Personally though, I find that underrated.”
“Ahh… thanks,” he said, hoping he wasn’t blushing. “Still though, you could argue that it’s strongly discouraged for guys.”
“Whoever’s fault that is, I’m not happy with them, but I can understand why,” Angela replied. “We certainly don’t lack for ways to weaponize men’s vulnerabilities against them.”
“That’s hardly a gendered issue,” Adrian was quick answer, feeling like offering a counterpoint was the decent thing to do here. “Society does plenty to fuel and exploit women’s insecurities too.”
“A lot of that we do to each other though,” Angela smirked.
“Maybe, but you’re not the only ones who do,” said Adrian, deriding the fact with a faint snort.
* * *
It was clear to Angela by now that Adrian wasn’t quite like other men she’d dated, but the merits of this were becoming apparent. Somehow, he acted as if felt safe enough not to guard his emotions with her. It made her wonder if this was the first time she’d been this gentle when a man had opened up to her, and if there was something about him in particular that had brought it out of her. What she knew for certain though was that she wanted it to keep going.
“So, if we’re both being serious here,” she began, holding one of Adrian’s mugs in her hand as she sipped tea from it while sitting opposite him in his home’s kitchen. “What would you say is important for you in a relationship?”
Adrian raised both eyebrows with a pronounced exhale. “That’s a big question to be asking,” he said, pausing to think. “I guess it all comes down to sharing values, lifestyle preferences, goals, and to some degree, interests, but there’s also things like being socially, intellectually, and physically compatible. Even with all of that though, sometimes it’s just a matter of both people being ready for each other, you know? How about you? Would you say you have any deal-breakers?”
Angela gave him an affectionate smile. “Well if there are, I think I’ve crossed out most of them with you at this point, and as for a lot of what you just brought up, I’m seeing a fair few big green ticks. Still, I think it’s sensible to go through all of them and try to be honest. Clear communication, you know?”
“What? As in the whole ‘do you want kids and how many?’ type discussion?” Adrian joked nervously, clearly squirming slightly on the topic.
Jeez, I hope I’m not being too forward here. Is he maybe getting cold feet? Angela thought. “Maybe we should keep it a bit lower level than that for now,” she chuckled.
“Okay,” Adrian smirked, his confidence returning in that manner that Angela had become accustomed to noticing. “Well, I think we’ve got enough in common around our values, interests, and intellect. And hey, we might not feel the same about everything, but being willing to compromise is important too, especially for a romantic partner.”
He had a point, Angela had to admit. Adrian’s thoughtfulness was what made him so beautiful, and even now, it still amazed her that he’d grown so comfortable showing this side of himself to her. I better be good to him, she told herself. He really must love me, whether or not he knows it yet, or is ready to admit it. “I agree,” she said in a soft voice. “Let’s not forget trust either. It means a lot how much of it you’ve shown toward me, Adrian.”
His expression turned to that same old heart-melting look of his that was all the more endearing for how involuntary it always seemed. It was as if he just couldn’t help but look quietly overjoyed. With a smile he said, “I’ve never met anyone quite like you, Angela. You might just be the most amazing person I’ve ever met. You’re caring, wise, and strong.”
Angela couldn’t help but give a wide-eyed look of her own, humbled, and almost certain she was blushing. “You’re pretty unique yourself, Adrian. You’re each of those things too, and it really is special to see how you always want to do what’s right, even if you can’t help but overthink a little too much.”
As they looked into each other’s eyes without needing to say anymore, Angela knew they’d found a special connection. Gran must be some kind of psychic, she thought to herself. She really was onto something when she put this idea in my head. I’ll have to ask what her secret is.
Adrian reached across the table, taking her hand in his. “I’m really glad I met you,” he said.
“I’m glad I met you too,” Angela replied.
Benjamin Kirkby 